dates

I am getting ready for my date with Karen. I am really enjoying writing in this blog. My friends that read it tell me they love it too and it is some nice comedic relief from their day to day lives. Some of them are married and to them it is all comedy and jealousy I guess lol. I wonder if any of this makes any sense... I mean life in general. I know my thoughts may be wrong, they may even be perverted... she'll hear me out and won't easily be converted to my way of thinking. If you know the rest of that song then you win.

I am really nervous about going on this date and I am sitting here in my living room listening to Depeche Mode and I am sipping a Mai Thai and pondering life and I am excited and I feel like I am going to explode inside. Wow this is why I am no good at poker in live casinos. My brain just freaks out and goes into spiral mode if I am not doing ten thousand things at once. I can hear people in the hallway fumbling around with tools and speaking Spanish that is how acute my senses are right now because of the anticipation of meeting this girl. There is something about very dainty classy women that turn my knees into jelly and my brain into mush. I think I need another drink.

Ok now I am listening to Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loves me. I have a playlist that is on shuffle so random songs sometimes come on. This song has a really weird opening, in fact it is kind of creepy and beautiful. When I first play this song for other people they always give a curious look and aren't totally into but once you know the song and how beautiful it is, then you can finally appreciate the opening which is 2mins of creepy instrumentals.

I bought some very nice clothing yesterday to go on this date tonight. Sucks that it is still 6 hours away before I meet her at the restaurant. I don't know how the hell I am going to make all this time pass. I feel like a kid on Christmas eve who can't sleep. Another shitty thing is that I haven't eaten anything today and my stomach is upset from nervousness that I can't eat anything before I go on this date so I am going to be starving by the time we meet and also that means that if I drink anything before I eat, I am going to get hella buzzed and feel nauseous. Maybe if I smoked a joint I can relax and be able to put some food down. I normally do not get this nervous before a date and I have no idea why this is happening. It is almost scary. I do feel better though that I am writing all this down. I am so happy and so grateful to have an outlet for my thoughts and feelings and something to help me get through things. I feel connected to my readers and I feel like I am doing something to help myself. I am able to go back and read all the things I wrote and felt like a diary. I think the primary reason for keeping a journal or a diary is to improve one's self. Why else would we do it? I guess part of us are attention whores for lack of a better word but really I think it just comes down to the fact that loneliness sucks and also we use other people as a reference point.

I also think that it depends from person to person. Some people are very brilliant and yet they are not that competitive. Other people are of average intelligence and can be fiercely competitive. I think this has to do with your childhood and your adolescent years. Ok enough of this rambling, I need to go score some weed and eat some food and try not to think of this date.

I am really confused about Christy. I thought we had a great time and I would do it again anytime but she really hasn't said much to me since she got back into town. I feel as if I am chasing her now and I don't want to be in that kind of situation. I guess she just likes to have sex with random guys or something I don't really understand because we hit it off so well but maybe I am just being naive thinking that there is something more there than sex. I mean I could tell the kind of girl she was when I met her. The way she talked, walked, and drank booze. She was definitely not the kind of girl you are going to proudly want to take home and introduce to your mother. Still though I thought that all girls, even rebellious slutty girls deep down want a man to just love them and take care of them. I find it hard to believe that there are smoking hot chicks out there who are having sex with lots of random men and not ever getting emotionally involved or attached to anyone they are with. Girls who are able to get what they want sexually and still stay single. Perhaps I have met and had sex with one of these rare breeds of women. I don't know whether I should feel used or feel privileged. I think i may just be suffering from the fact that she took it away from me so now I naturally want it even though I know she doesn't really want me and certainly won't be falling in love with me. I am already typing too much about this girl that I am supposedly not thinking about anymore. I should be focusing on the new girls that I have met and gone out with that seem way more compatible in terms of being in a relationship.

I met this really tall brunette named Veronica. She is 6 feet tall and with heels on she is taller than me so I found out. I have always preferred being with petite women but there is something very sexy about a tall thin woman that is attractive. It is like a wild cat taking down a giraffe and tearing it apart. That is how I feel about conquering a women like this sexually. Anyways she is really into jazz music and works for a musical promotion company or something so she said we should meet in real life because we have only been talking on the internet of course through the online dating site we belong to. So she tells me we should meet at this jazz club and I have never been to a jazz club before but whatever it's cool I will check it out and see how it is. I arrived late to the club and omg it was weird. I go in and I am just standing there looking around this smoke filled room like it was straight out of a movie or something and finally I notice this tall blonde walking toward me. She looked like a 1950's Hollywood actress and I nearly passed out looking at her coming toward me, it was like slow motion, I was like omg this can't be her can it because her hair was very different, it was all wavy and exotic looking and wow did it ever look good. I was almost prepared for her to walk right passed me because it was too good to be true, but I was wrong, it WAS her and she walked up to me and said you must be Eric and before I could say yes she gave me a kiss on the cheek and the smell of her perfume and whisp of her long flowing hair touching me sent a shiver down my entire spine.

I followed her through a maze of tables and chairs through the smoke filled room until we finally arrived at her table. We sat down and I looked around frantically for a waitress because I was stressed out and needed a drink bad. Right as I turned around she was right there asking me what I wanted and I told her a gin and tonic and she disappeared into the smoke. I turned back around and the goddess was still sitting there. I was half prepared for her to be gone and for me to wake up in a cold sweat and realize this is all just a dream but there she was glowing in the lounge light rocking back and forth to the music. The rest of the night was a blur once the drinks started to arrive. I didn't recognize any of the music and after about 4-5 songs it all started to sound the same to me. An uncultured beast I am I guess. By the end of the night my head was buzzing and we got up to leave and nearly fell over because I was so drunk. She said "looks like someone is ready for bed - why don't we call you a taxi" - next thing I remember the taxi driver is saying "yo wake up we are here" and I am sitting in an empty taxi cab in front of my building. I vaguely remember paying him and making it upstairs. I awoke the next morning with my clothes still on.

I am sorry that my last post got cut off. I had to go out that day and I have been so busy I neglected to take the time to update this blog for all my loyal readers. It won't happen again I promise.

Let me finish my story about the carnival. So we were both drinking vodka out of a bottle I had hidden in my jacket and she was getting all loud and rambunctious. When we would walk by the carnies who were operating the games, and they would heckle us and yell at us like they do, she would respond by yelling woohoo and giving them the horns and I was like wtf can't you be more subtle girl. Then she was like, you have to win me a prize and prove your manhood and I was like lol and she like no I am serious yo and I was like wtf. So I blew $21 on some stupid dart game and finally won her a small stuffed giraffe. She seemed quite pleased and was all yelling and cheering and embarrassing me. I am not used to hanging out with someone who is so overly overt. There were a lot of other guys who tried to hit on her and she didn't humor them, she would just rudely brush them off.

There were two guys who came up to us and started talking to her and she was like fuck off I am busy here with my man and if you don't fuck off he will kick your ass! I was like wtf are you doing in my mind, but IRL I had to stand there and act all cool and the gang in case they wanted to start something. They paused for a minute and then were like fuck this bitch and walked away and I was like phew. I said to her wow you really have a big mouth and she replied, you haven't seen anything yet which kind of scared me but at the same time I was wondering if she was making a sexual innuendo.

I really wanted to leave the fair before she started something with some huge biker or something but no dice. She said she now wanted to go on all the rides. I don't mind the rides but I am not a huge fan or anything of rollercoasters and stuff. So I took her on like 6 rides and then finally convinced her to go. She was like "where to next" and I was like let's go back to my place and she was like sure.

We get back to my place and she immediately heads over to my liquor cabinet and grabs a bottle of vodka and starts drinking it right out of the bottle and then passes it to me and makes me take a drink. Then she is like do you have any weed and I was like yeah I do so I got it out and we hit the bong a few times. I was literally just setting down the bong on the coffee table and she was all in my face kissing me and pushing me down on the couch. I have never been with a girl that is so aggressive. We went into my bedroom and had fun for hours on end. Eventually we both fell asleep and when I woke up in the morning she was in the shower so I went and joined her and then we had breakfast and later that day she went home. When she left, she gave me a real casual kiss and said cya later and I was kind of dumbfounded. I am not sure if I have a fuck buddy now or if there could be something more with her. She is away visiting her parents and she said she would be back this week so I will find out more once I talk to her.

Last night I went on a date with Christy. There was an amusement park in town, I guess you would call it a fair. I always loved when the fair would come to town. I loved the the way it would smell like cotton candy in deep fried foods. There would also be a constant humming of sounds coming from music from the rides, the games, and carnies running around. I guess I am kind of a reserved and conservative guy and I discovered that Christy is the opposite. She is crude and rude and rough around the edges. But she is really hot and feminine looking. She is however kinda muscular and doesn't really dress that well. She has like dark makeup and is kinda goth looking and a bit trashy looking but she is really hot - I know I keep saying that. Her hotness is what allows her to get by on the other fucked up shit she does. So anyways yeah she is kinda loud and obnoxious when she talks and especially once she starts drinking and MAN does she like to drink. I am a lightweight when it comes to booze.