Ahh my digital emotional outlet

I am getting ready for my date with Karen. I am really enjoying writing in this blog. My friends that read it tell me they love it too and it is some nice comedic relief from their day to day lives. Some of them are married and to them it is all comedy and jealousy I guess lol. I wonder if any of this makes any sense... I mean life in general. I know my thoughts may be wrong, they may even be perverted... she'll hear me out and won't easily be converted to my way of thinking. If you know the rest of that song then you win.

I am really nervous about going on this date and I am sitting here in my living room listening to Depeche Mode and I am sipping a Mai Thai and pondering life and I am excited and I feel like I am going to explode inside. Wow this is why I am no good at poker in live casinos. My brain just freaks out and goes into spiral mode if I am not doing ten thousand things at once. I can hear people in the hallway fumbling around with tools and speaking Spanish that is how acute my senses are right now because of the anticipation of meeting this girl. There is something about very dainty classy women that turn my knees into jelly and my brain into mush. I think I need another drink.

Ok now I am listening to Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loves me. I have a playlist that is on shuffle so random songs sometimes come on. This song has a really weird opening, in fact it is kind of creepy and beautiful. When I first play this song for other people they always give a curious look and aren't totally into but once you know the song and how beautiful it is, then you can finally appreciate the opening which is 2mins of creepy instrumentals.

I bought some very nice clothing yesterday to go on this date tonight. Sucks that it is still 6 hours away before I meet her at the restaurant. I don't know how the hell I am going to make all this time pass. I feel like a kid on Christmas eve who can't sleep. Another shitty thing is that I haven't eaten anything today and my stomach is upset from nervousness that I can't eat anything before I go on this date so I am going to be starving by the time we meet and also that means that if I drink anything before I eat, I am going to get hella buzzed and feel nauseous. Maybe if I smoked a joint I can relax and be able to put some food down. I normally do not get this nervous before a date and I have no idea why this is happening. It is almost scary. I do feel better though that I am writing all this down. I am so happy and so grateful to have an outlet for my thoughts and feelings and something to help me get through things. I feel connected to my readers and I feel like I am doing something to help myself. I am able to go back and read all the things I wrote and felt like a diary. I think the primary reason for keeping a journal or a diary is to improve one's self. Why else would we do it? I guess part of us are attention whores for lack of a better word but really I think it just comes down to the fact that loneliness sucks and also we use other people as a reference point.

I also think that it depends from person to person. Some people are very brilliant and yet they are not that competitive. Other people are of average intelligence and can be fiercely competitive. I think this has to do with your childhood and your adolescent years. Ok enough of this rambling, I need to go score some weed and eat some food and try not to think of this date.